“Hurt Inside” by Me

No one realizes the hate you keep inside

You trick them and dress it up with a smile

You hold your pain like the pain of walking in heels

You want me to shush but my words are real

I’m tired of being that person that hides it all inside

My emotions tear me up like the mess up mini blinds in the window

I am broken and hurting

I can’t go, won’t let go

As Fredrick Douglas broken in mind body and spirit

But my fake happiness won’t allow you to hear

My soul, mind, body screams to your ears

However you can’t comprehend it

You think I’m a weirdo or an outcast 

Just help me give me a purpose

Before I turn about and be lost because I’m not worth it

Rebuilding my wall

I built my wall to keep me safe

It didn’t appear until that 3rd time

That 3rd time I got hurt

That time I said fuck love

I built it for my security

I got tired of the lies

I got tired of the deceit

I got tired of the disappointment

I got tired of the falseness

I got tired of love

He never bought me good

Only pain with it

I’m not him he said

I am not your past he’ll say

But again another him

False love

Cheating, lying, snake of a tongue

No actions compared to your words

I rebuilt my wall

Hundreds of feet high

So my heart could no longer hear your lies

So I could protect myself

I put up the wall

I could no longer hear you

No longer feel you

No longer see you

I built it so you couldn’t break me

I have little left

It’s already an inch from being a pit

My heart can’t take no more

And to think about it

I help you break this wall once 

I broke through this wall for you

We broke it together

But all I get is rebuilding back up

Because you fucked up

I back up into the pit

Where my heart no longer beats

How Can I Love?

How can I love

I never knew what it was

I never tasted it softness

I have never felt it’s meaning

I only hear about it

Wondering what it does 

Does it really make your heart race

Or does it stop it from beating

When you lock eyes for the first time 

Is it love at first sight 

Can it be continuous 

Can it be adventurous 

Can love be helpful

Can it be effective 

I have so many questions for love

But my main question is 

How can I love

Regina Bell

@queenrsb91